A Story Of Pet Loss & What I Learned

This is going to be one of my more lengthy blogs, so buckle up & get the popcorn ready.

Losing one’s pet is painful & as you all know, if you’ve been keeping up, I learned what it feels like when my best friend Rocky passed away on March 24th, from a mass in his abdomen. As I’ve mentioned before, it was abrupt. It’s the most hurtful feeling I have ever felt. He was almost 13 & a half years old when he passed away & he came into my life when he was only eight weeks old.

I have never felt this much pain in my life before. Not a break up, not a loss of a family member or friend, not ever.

I got Rocky on February 10th, 2010. I had never had a dog of my own before, and somehow I found him on Facebook when my friend & his wife were tagged in a photo of the litter with the pups up for adoption, I had a deep urge to get one of the two remaining dogs available. I had to pick him based off pictures, meeting the two available puppies was not an option. Here are the pictures:

I was a young & dumb kid in his 20’s that didn’t know what he was doing, & I remember that getting one of the puppies was all I could think about the next day after I saw the pictures. I wanted a buddy. Little did I know, Rocky was an angel sent to me to accompany me in what were going to be the most difficult days of my life as well as the happiest.

Rocky, had a unique personality, anyone who met him will tell you they fell in love with him, even if they aren’t “dog people.” If you ask anyone who knew him, he just had a personality like no other. He really was a unique & special dog.

He was no dummy, he’d take advantage of people & give them his puppy dog eyes so they’d give him some of their food or some dog treats. That was his way of welcoming humans to his pack.

It didn’t matter where we were – airport, park, walking the neighborhood, etc. – people would fight among each other on who was going to be the lucky one to give Rocky his pets first.

Life Is A Cycle & Everything Must Run Its Course

Unfortunately, as he was getting older, I knew our time together was coming to an end at some point. After all, all the research I did, Beagle’s life span is 12 to 15 years & Dachshund’s life span is 12 to 16 years (Rocky was a mix of the two breeds).

In May 2022, at a routine vet visit, Rocky’s primary doctor told me to go see the cardiologist because he had a heart murmur & the “stage” was a stage 4 (loud murmur). She referred me to the cardiologist.

Due to the lack of cardiologists in the area, I had to wait to until November 14, 2022 to get him seen.

Can You Ever Be Prepared To Say Goodbye?

In the six months we had to wait for the cardiologist appointment, I was scared to hear bad news & that I’d need to put him down, but the visit went well, or so I thought at least. They did x-rays, an ultrasound, a CT scan. Nothing alarming came up with the results other than she felt he’d go into congestive heart failure at some point in the next 12 months. For the most part, that visit was a win!

Saturday, January 21st, 2023. That day was the beginning of the end.

I was potentially going to go to California that following weekend (the last weekend in January) for two or three days & my friend was potentially going to watch Rocky if I went.

However, at 5:43 a.m. that Saturday morning on January 21st, Rocky had a seizure, which was the first one he ever had in his life. So I rushed him to the emergency vet since the regular vet doesn’t open until 8:00 a.m. on Saturday’s.

We spent about 5 hours at the ER that Saturday morning. The vet did deliver some bad news. Rocky had a mass in his abdomen. That following Thursday, January 26th, while I was at dinner at the Cheesecake Factory, the ER left me a voicemail that they also found a mass in his chest by his heart.

There was no need to put him to sleep yet. The heart murmur was doing fine, we were on medication for that, as well as medication for seizures & there wasn’t any major threats to the masses at that time.

But I messaged my friend that reality had set in that I probably don’t have much time left with Rocky. So of course, there was no way I was going to go to California & put this responsibility on anyone.

That was really the first time I really felt that the end might be near, but emotionally I was not ready.

We couldn’t do surgery because he was at high-risk because of his age & there was no guarantee he’d survive it.

Get Prepared

The following few weeks were stressful. He officially went into congestive heart failure on February 9th & had his second seizure in the wee hours of the morning on February 13th.

We went to his regular doctor on that Monday, February 13th. (Side note: she’s a fantastic veterinarian & was Rocky’s primary doctor the final 12-18 months). We went back for a re-check on February 23rd.

We did some X-Rays on the 23rd & the masses had gotten a little bit bigger since January 21st. But after a lengthy conversation, we felt Rocky still had a good 3-6 months to live.

The End Was Here

On Sunday, March 19th. Rocky just looked so tired. But I didn’t think much of it because he perked back up to his normal self that Monday, Tuesday & Wednesday, even that Thursday morning (the 20th-23rd).

But when I got home that Thursday night, March 23rd, at about 7:00 p.m., he greeted me at the door & coughed kind of weird. Then his breathing was a little labored.

I contemplated rushing him to the ER or take him to the regular vet. So I decided to take him to the regular vet, the Friday morning, March 24th.

I thought this was just a breathing “episode” so I was anticipating it being a relatively routine vet visit.

But once we got in the room, they put him on a ventilator & did X-Rays because we thought maybe there was some blood in his lungs & we’d rush him to the ER to get it drained.

The doctor came in & told me …. & these words from 22 days ago are still are ringing in my head like it just happened a second ago: “The good news is, there’s no blood in the lungs. But … the mass in his abdomen has gotten much bigger & it’s causing problems with his inhale.”

She went on to say: “I’m going to tell you this as a friend. You need to pick a day between now & Monday on when this is going to end.”

As we were talking about possibilities of bringing him home for the weekend & bringing him back that Monday, one of the vet technicians came in & said to the doctor “I’m sorry to interrupt, but Amy needs your help ASAP with Rocky.”

They were back there for about 30 minutes, which felt like about 10 hours.

The doctor came back in & said to me: “I’ve got bad news. You’re not going to be able to take him home. The oxygen in his blood, which is supposed to be at 100, has dropped down to 74 even on the ventilator.”

So after what I thought would be a relatively routine visit turned into a bad dream & basically having no choice but to put him down two hours after arrival.

It would have been selfish of me to bring him home & make him suffer & feel like he was suffocating.

What I Learned From My Pet Loss:

1. Everyone Deals With Loss Differently

This is the first time I’ve had a loss of this magnitude & I didn’t know what to expect.

I’m a very introverted & antisocial person to begin with, & since Rocky’s passing I’ve been even more antisocial than normal. To me, that’s perfectly fine.

When sadness comes from a loss, it’s OK to process it your own way. There’s no right or wrong way to do it, there’s only your way.

Process your loss your own way. Just make sure it’s healthy.

This is a process, & for some it takes longer than others.

I bought a bracelet kit to keep me busy & made a bracelet for Rocky. I’m sure there will be more to come. I’m also in the process of doing a “Wall of Fame” with pictures I have of him.

2. Live Every Day To The Fullest

Rocky didn’t have any plans for the next day, or next week, or a few hours from now. He lived in the NOW.

I want a treat now.

I want to go outside now.

I want belly rubs now.

I am happy now.

So when he died, he didn’t lose a few plans he had planned for, he had none. He lived his life to the fullest & enjoyed every moment as it was. A gift. We should all live that way.

3. Life Is The Total Of A Lot Of Little Things

Looking back at moments of things that I miss of Rocky, the smallest details in life is what comes to mind. There are no milestones, there are memories of small moments in life. The mundane things, like how Rocky used to sleep on his bed by the backyard door to bask in the sun. When I’d check the cameras & how he would sense it was almost time for me to come home from work & stare at the front door to wait for me.

Our lives are the same. Life is a collection of a lot of little moments. There are so many small, happy moments on a day-to-day basis in our own lives that we need to slow down & take note & enjoy them. We must savor those & enjoy every chance we get.

We tend to take things for granted more than we should. That needs to change.

4. Document Life

Take photos. Take videos. Even if you think now what’s the point, or you don’t look that good, or who cares … just do it! These go straight to the heart. They capture a small moment in life but when you look back you will be transported back to that very moment. And believe me, when the time comes, you are going to wish you can go back & see those moments again.

5. Be Grateful

We constantly look at what we don’t have, what we are missing, what could be better. We never stop & think what it is & the good that’s around.

I am grateful Rocky had a wonderful healthy life all the way until the end (minus the last two days). I am grateful he found me. I am grateful to have the opportunity to know what the love of a dog means. I am grateful & thank him for trying to teach me what love is. Some people will never get that.

I am grateful that Rocky brought joy to so many other people in my life. That they had their own relationship with him & he nourished their souls as well.

Be grateful for what you have. Take notice & acknowledge it.

6. Reality Sometimes Is Hard To See

Don’t shrug off warning signs, even if you don’t think it could make a difference in the outcome. This goes towards anything in life, not just with health.

Don’t be afraid of doctors/vets & what they have to say. You’ll be able to find some answers you’ve been seeking to find.

Rocky was always so strong for me so many times, now it was my turn to do the same for him. I couldn’t let him down. I felt like I had to do everything in my power to help him. All the way until the end, no regrets.

Like I’ve said before: I hope he felt I did everything I could for him, because he did everything he could for me.

So I tell you, don’t avoid reality.

Sometimes we hear things we don’t want to hear. We’d rather ignore them & pretend things are ok when they are not. Take life by the horns, you are stronger than you think you are.

7. If You Are Going Through A Loss

If you are going through a loss, whether it’s with a beloved pet or human, & you are grieving & sad, I am sending you a hug.

I never knew what pain was until the passing of Rocky, so I understand & appreciate where you are.

I am here to tell you that you are allowed to cry, to scream, to ask why. Losing a pet is no different than losing a family member or a friend. So do not diminish your pain, let it out, feel it, as a piece of your heart is gone.

I am still going through my grieving process, after all its only been 22 days.

Last Thoughts….

Your story might be different than mine & those who don’t have pets won’t understand the pain. They might say it’s not the same & will try to reduce some of what you are feeling. Don’t let anyone tell you how sad you should be or how to deal with your pain or how you should feel.

Take your time to be sad, to remember & mourn.

One day – days, months, years from now – you will feel lucky you had a chance to experience one of the purest forms of love.

I’ll always be wearing his bracelet I made with his name on it & remember the impact he left in not just my life, but everyone’s life that crossed paths with him.

I’ll leave you with this: Take a look at your life. Really take a step back & ask yourself what’s important. Is it your work, or is it the relationships & the people & the pets you have in your life that you love & care about?

I think you already know the answer.

Wake up every day & choose to make a positive impact on other people & pets. Don’t wait for a disease or a diagnosis or a disaster to start living your life the way God intended. Read this often & let it serve as a reminder to live your best life today & enjoy every little blessing.

God Bless.

If you’d like to become a Patreon Member & Subscriber, you can do so by clicking here.